Because you’re probably an adult and we expect so much more of you.
- Using the aircraft bulkhead as a footrest.
- The aircraft bulkhead is not your personal ottoman. It is not there for you to put your bare, un-socked, smelly feet on. Please keep your toesies covered and off our walls. Your seatmates will thank you.
- Using the lavatory barefoot, or with just socks on.
- As you’ve probably heard before, that is not water your standing in. Besides, sometimes those planes turn around so quick at out-of-base stations that cleaners at that station don’t even have time to clean the lavatories properly. And to be honest, sometimes they forget, or just don’t clean them.
- Standing in the galley, while we are working.
- I mean, do people just barge into your office without any warning and decide that it is the perfect space for them to strike a Warrior 3 pose, feed their baby, or pray to Buddha? I didn’t think so. The galley is our workspace, or our office so to speak, so please stay out.
- Running right onto the plane only to B-line it to the lavatory.
- Were you not just sitting in the airport for two hours? Did you not even consider using the airport restroom? Or do you just have some strange fetish for holding your bladder until the last minute and using airplane lavatories?
- Ringing the flight attendant call button.
- Unless it’s a medical emergency, then please do. Even ring it a couple of times to add urgency, to get our attention. That is truly what we are there for, and we do want to help you. But ringing your call light for a Vodka Soda, makes you look silly. How about stretching your legs, walking to the back galley, and asking in person?
- Clapping after landing.
- For some odd reason, whatever it may be, this is sort of taboo. So next time you’re on a plane, and you want to express gratitude for a great flight, just tell the flight attendants ‘thank you’ as you deplane.
- Eating smelly foods that make the entire plane smell.
- Why you thought cracking out the deep-fried Brussel sprouts you made last night for dinner on your way to Tulsa was a good idea, is truly beyond me. If you feel like bringing some of your own food, please make sure it is stink-free. Your fellow passengers and the cabin crew will thank you.
- Painting your nails, or using nail polish remover.
- Not only does it stink, it is actually forbidden by the Federal Aviation Administration. The reason? The fumes are toxic, and with a recycled air system in place onboard the aircraft, the system can not filter the toxins from the recycled air. In plain English; you, fellow passengers, and the cabin crew will be forced to continue to breathe toxic air for the rest of your fifteen hour flight to Beijing.
- Grooming yourself.
- What was going through your head when you decided that your flight from Detroit to Chicago would be the best time to cut your toenails. Ewww, gross.
- Drinking your own alcohol.
- There’s some Federal Aviation Regulation that prohibits you from drinking your own alcohol brought on board. The reason: flight attendants need to serve you the alcohol, to monitor how much you are consuming. So just because you thought you could buy a few of those minis at the local liquor store for $1 instead of $8 onboard, wait till you land to consume them.
- Travel Tip: If you fly business or first class most airlines will allow you to consume your own alcohol bought ahead of time, provided it is given to, and distributed by a flight attendant.
- Pulling the ashtray out when trying to open the lavatory door.
- I don’t quite understand this one, have you never seen a door before? What makes you think that pulling out the little metal thing that has a picture of a cigarette with a line through it is going to open the lavatory door? Wouldn’t it just make much more sense to just ‘push’ where it says ‘push’?
- Thinking the overhead compartment is your own personal storage locker.
- Generally you are allowed two carry-on items. One small light-weight item to be placed under the seat in front of you, provided it does not block the path to the aisle, and a bigger item that may be stowed in the overhead compartments. On average, a 737 holds anywhere from 140-170 people; what makes you think it is ok to use an entire overhead compartment for your small bag, suitcase, jacket, and whatever else you decided to smuggle past the gate agents. Have some curtesy for your fellow passengers, and just place one item in the bin.
Until next time kittens, XOXO.